Zelda
Zelda Harkinian (1985–2030) is King Harkinian's daughter and the hero of Gamelon. Biography Zelda Harkinian was born to King John Harkinian and his wife on October 10, 1985. Due to the King's drunkenness and general irresponsibility, the Queen hired Zelda's grandmother, Impa, to help raise Zelda. In early 1993, Zelda's mother died, and she encouraged her father to accept a powerful but moronic homeless child warrior named Link into his court. Zelda soon came to regret this, as Link would constantly harass her by asking her for a kiss (and more). Later that year, around the time of Zelda's eighth birthday, the King sent Link to liberate the island of Koridai from Ganon. Ganon subsequently snuck into Hyrule Castle and kidnapped Zelda, but Link soon defeated Ganon and rescued her. However, Zelda had slept through everything and refused to acknowledge Link's accomplishment. Ganon soon returned and imprisoned the King in Gamelon, so Zelda went there with Impa to rescue him. She actually succeeded at this, and also accidentally released Link from Lady Alma's mirror by breaking it. In the 2000s, Zelda became a famous actress in YouTube Poop. During this period, she also served as the acting monarch of Hyrule in place of her father on multiple occasions. Once, she formed an alliance with Ganon and Impa to rule Hyrule after the King ran off with his gay lover Gwonam. Another time, she succeeded a disgraced Morshu as temporary king while her father was hospitalized with an eye injury. Her longest reign as de facto king lasted a whole year, during which the King was busy marketing his poop in Japan and other places. Despite Link's attempts to assassinate her during the King's aforementioned absence, their relationship subsequently improved. During a cruise through the Windwaker Islands in 2012, Link finally won Zelda over for good with a romantic musical performance. He impregnated her shortly afterward, leading to the birth of their son Harry Harkinian about one eight months later. Appearance Zelda is a blonde, blue-eyed elf who wears a blue vest and a sleeveless purple undercoat, as well as lighter purple pants with a belt. She also wears a small crown, which is either blue or purple, depending on how closely the animators were paying attention. Her breasts are extremely small—almost to the point of being completely flat—and she often gets mocked for this by people like Link, Morshu, Goronu, and even her father. Personality Zelda usually seems lonely and ungrateful to Link, and is often very shy. On rare occasions, however, she acts as a warrior to help her father get back home. Sometimes, she even takes pleasure in killing people, especially Hectan. She tends to act like a dictator whenever she assumes a leadership role in her father's absence, using threats of violence and other strong-arm tactics to make people do what she wants. She also takes YouTube Poop very seriously, and briefly disowned King Harkinian when he tried to stop using poop memes. While she is significantly more intelligent than the average Hylian, she never received a proper education and is very bad at even basic math; for example, she can't seem to figure out how many weeks are in a month. She usually acts less perverted than most of the CD-i characters, but often does stuff such as watching Elmer Fudd porn when she thinks nobody is watching. Relations with Other Characters .]] Link Link and Zelda are good friends, but occasionally King Harkinian has told her to "screw Link." Things went downhill for a while after that, but they ultimately got married. King Harkinian Zelda sometimes has trouble with her father when he tries to OAH her. This made Zelda want to sue her father, but there were no prosecutors in Hyrule until 2006, so she didn't even bother. They are usually friendly to each other despite this, but Zelda will sometimes team up with his enemies to try to overthrow him. Impa Impa is Zelda's favorite grandmother. Impa often goes on journies with her, but things have gone downhill since the release of the Nintendo 64. Fari Zelda once decided to have an affair with Fari, possibly because he disgusted her less than anyone else in her father's court. However, when she publicly declared him as her boyfriend, the King disapproved and kicked Fari out of the castle. Lady Alma Lady Alma is claimed to be Zelda's best friend, but there are some troubles between the two. For example, Zelda broke her mirror against the wall. Ganon Zelda was once raped by Ganon, creating Ganon, Jr. Thus, Zelda was forced to deal with Ganon. She's always hated him. Duke Onkled Zelda finds Duke Onkled annoying and calls him a "fat f--ker," which is likely due to the fact that he once tried to convince Zelda to f--k him. Quotes .]] *"You've got to be kidding." *"Why'd you do that?" *"You did not." *"Ha!" *"But father, what if something happens to you?" *"Impa!" *"A whole month gone, and still no word." *"Link, go to Gamelon and find my father." *"Wake up, Impa. We're going to Gamelon." *"Really?" *"Good." *"You better talk fast!" *"Father!" *"I wonder what happened to Link?" *"Stop looking at yourself." *"Nothing, Link." *"We were just about to have a feast." *"No." *"Let's go fight Ganon's evil legions." *"You fat f---" *"You're not my father." *"Go to Gamelon and die." *"I know." *"Let's go fight Weegee's evil legions." *"Father, what happened to you?" 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